Zoe Alharthi was devastated when baby Ava died just weeks into celebrating her first birthday last year, and the new pregnancy has left her with mixed emotions.
The agony of watching her daughter be resuscitated has been difficult to overcome, and left Zoe with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
She told Wales Online : “It has been absolutely horrific since then, there are not any words really."
Zoe, 30, knew there was something wrong with Ava the day before she died as she developed a temperature, a rash, was quiet and not eating.
The NHS out-of-hours service told her not to worry, but 12 hours later Zoe called an ambulance after numerous calls to the doctor.
She was rushed to hospital with failing organs went from bad to worse, screaming in pain.
"We had to watch her die 16 times", Zoe said. “They had to keep resuscitating her and she kept dying and they would bring her back and she would die again."
Her family, including dad Jamie Jeremiah, 34, and sisters, Nadia, 12 and Marley, 8, were forced to say a final goodbye.
After her death, the family had to move house - but were given a three-bedroom so they could have a space for Ava's things.
Zoe added: "Rather than just boxing her things up and dumping them there, I turned it into a nursery for her.
"It's a room where we can go and feel close to her. It's helped with the grieving process."
It will eventually be turned into a room for her youngest daughter, who she hopes to name Alaska.
"I just take things one minute at a time now," said Zoe, who lives in Ammanford, Carmarthenshire, Wales.
"A year later, I still find it really hard. Instead of feeding three children, I am feeding two."
After Ava died she set up a Facebook page to raise awareness about Meningitis symptoms.
They marked the anniversary of her death on April 16, by setting of balloons and having a heart-to-heart about her.
“It was really hard and I curled up for the day, except when we let off the balloons. That was for the children", she said.
"“It was hard but we made the most of it, and had a little party for the girls to enjoy,” Zoe said.
“My youngest does not really understand because she was seven when it happened.
“We explained it to her but she did not really know what was going on. She just turned around and said ‘I’ve drawn you a picture.’
“But the eldest was like a second mother to her. She was 12 and found it really hard.”
Although she is looking forward to giving birth again, Ava is never far from her thoughts.
I think of her all day every day, she is never out of my mind,” she said.
“I might just be having dinner and it will pop into my mind about what Ava would be having.
“She loved music and would bounce around in the back seat of the car.”
Zoe talks to Ava “all the time.”
“Before she died I would sing to her,” she said.
“She loved to sing and she loved music.
“I sang her nursery rhymes like Humpty Dumpty and Twinkle Twinkle.”
Her unborn baby is due in October.
She added: "I’m excited but I have got mixed emotions.
“I don’t want to get it wrong. All parents blame themselves if something happens to their children. In the back of my mind that is how I feel.
“Everything just freaks me out, I’m really over protective whenever they get a cough or a cold.
“The thought of a baby is really scary.
“It was a shock to both of us, we were not expecting it. But everything happens for a reason.”